First thing you need is some cool new luggage - I've selected a vintage 1982 Depeche Mode hard sided suitcase and whatever was left in it when it was chucked out the window of a moving train right after "Songs of Faith and Devotion" came out. Keep the shoes and accessories but toss the rest - it won't fit you anyway. The luggage is most important. If you forget to pack anything else make sure you bring the DM luggage. Next we'll want to neatly fold and pack Mike Doughty and his drum machine. He's the guy from Soul Coughing, but don't let him get started on the whole "Is Chicogo, Is Not Chicago" thing. It's circular logic so you'll never hear the end of it. Now you'll need to track down all the guitars ever played on any Blur album. Take them apart and reassemble one working guitar using at least one part from each, then paint the new franken-axe pink. Take it apart, wrap the pieces in Franz Ferdinand concert flyers and tuck them into the suitcase where Doughty can't get to them. I think some sunglasses and birth control should about do it. Yup, now you're ready to go to Germany!
Why Germany? Because that's the home of dance music for people who think dancing is a chore - necessary but joyless labor under swirling colored lights. Or you could just listen to "Wet From Birth." Which ever's easier.
No comments:
Post a Comment